Dark Feminine Energy & Submission

I figured it would be fun to introduce all of you subby boys and sissy girls to the powerful presence of The Dark Feminine, though I do think most of you have felt her bite already. Dark Feminine Energy sits at the center of most Femdom activities, and for good reason. Femdom essentially springs from the unclaimed and repressed parts of the feminine experience that have been shamed, hated and reviled for fear of their power over men. So let’s enjoy a look at the dark feminine in all of its facets.

What is the Dark Feminine Energy?

Our dark feminine is a bit like our shadow self- with an important distinction that applies to all shadow work. We tend to reduce all thinking down to good or bad, wrong or right as a general principle and that will not serve us well here. The Dark Feminine should in no way be thought of us as our negative, bad, wrong or evil parts of us. Rather, it has more to do with these parts being unclaimed, repressed, discouraged by society at large, hidden away to make our femininity more palatable to the patriarchy. Reclaiming out Dark Feminine, both as women and as people who have both male and female magic contained within their body, is reclaiming our full selves. It is living from a place of fullness and wholeness, of full expression. We tend to keep the parts of us that we think are unlovable, unbearable or not worthy locked up tight, and live life as only part of who we are instead of as a whole entire person, and the parts that we repress within our feminine to remain safe within the patriarchy.

Per author Helin Sarıgül on Goddesswomanapp.com in an article entitled called “What is Dark Feminine Energy?”

“At its core, dark feminine energy is a repository of the unexpressed, the taboo, and the unconventional facets of femininity. It is the reservoir of emotions, desires, and strengths that have been relegated to the periphery, deemed incompatible with societal expectations or personal narratives. The shadows, often considered as realms of obscurity, hold the keys to a more profound understanding of the feminine—the aspects that defy easy categorization or definition. This exploration involves peeling away the layers of conditioning and societal expectations that have accumulated over time. It is a courageous act of acknowledging that femininity is not a monolithic entity but a kaleidoscope of experiences, expressions, and energies. Dark feminine energy, residing in the shadow self, calls for a shift in perspective—a recognition that the shadows are not to be feared but to be embraced as integral components of the feminine mosaic. Understanding these depths is akin to embarking on an archaeological dig into the layers of the subconscious. It requires a willingness to confront the uncomfortable, to question societal norms, and to explore the narratives that have been woven into the fabric of the feminine experience. The shadows, once illuminated, cease to be ominous; they become pathways to self-discovery, empowerment, and authenticity.”

So its important to understand how and why the Dark Feminine became so oppressed, hidden away in shadows- sometimes even from ourselves- as we seek to contort ourselves into an approximation of the appropriate, the soft-spoken good girl, the dutiful caretaker, and the one who exists to make life comfortable for others. The Dark Feminine carries within it so much power, passion, sexuality, and magic, so much so that the patriarchy has always been terrified of its power. In days gone by, they burned the women who didn’t contort to the expectations- they institutionalized them, they beat them, they locked them up, and they made sure that the woman who followed them knew the costs associated with accessing their full feminine power. When the Dark Feminine shows up in a male body, they do the same. To a large degree, I think some of this battle is occurring outside of the patriarchy- I think its the battle that humanity has with itself- reconciling all aspects of our nature, integrating them, instead of resisting them, oppressing them, denying them, and disdaining them. Embracing the dark feminine in your life- be you a man or a woman- is about embracing the full aspects- the full power- and the full responsibility for your humanity. And not to sound like Im wearing nothing but a tin foil cap, though what a lovely vision I would make as such, but I do truly believe that the reason this is systemically present is all about power dynamics. Having fully integrated people with access to their full power does not make for an easy conquest. But to examine this concept, let’s explore the characteristics of The Dark Feminine.

The 20 characteristics of the Dark Feminine

Adapted from the 20 Dark Feminine Traits and How to Awaken Them in Your Life

Self-sourced power: It is easy to see why the notion of self-sourced power, vs external power, was vilified. Consider the power of the Church, or of priests, who have to be the intermediary to speak with God bc you can’t even communicate with God yourself. Who is easier to control?

Sensuality + pleasure: So, sensuality is essentially receiving pleasure through our 5 senses, the pleasure inherently available to us at no cost- its simply our birthright. We don’t need to purchase it, and when we find it we can be happy and satisfied with our life. Can you see how that could be threating to the powers that be, who depend on women to be self-conscious & desperate to find happiness, youth, or approval at the bottom of a skin cream bottle?

Chaos: The feminine is wild and unruly, not orderly and structured. And when you are trying to control people- trying to tell them that YOU are the only answer- it is necessary to instill a fear of chaos in them. Chaos is releasing control and those who are desperate for control hate that.

Deep devotion: But the dark feminine can also exemplify a deep and enduring devotion, the ability to give of ourselves beyond the realms of time and space even, and to give ALL of us, our bodies, our nourishment, our air to another.

Magic, mysticism + the esoteric: The Dark Feminine has her roots in magicks! And when the patriarchal religions came and established their dictates- that God was outside of us- the power was outside of us- well, they sought to oppress the women who knew that the magic lives inside of them.

Desire: In order to mold women into beings that want nothing for themselves and instead sacrifice their hopes, wishes and dreams for others- why they would have to make it so shameful to follow your dreams, to prioritize yourself, that the shame was enough to overwhelm your dreams, right?

Passion: You only need to look at your nearest social media platform to find evidence of people maligning the power of our emotions, connection to emotions, as being less intelligent, less capable. Yet connection to emotion, ability to withstand and embody passionate emotional states, is one of the things that gives woman their deepest power.

Rage: I am going to read you a series of quotes from Soraya Chemaly, Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women’s Anger to discuss why the powers that be have sought to vilify a woman’s rage.

“Anger has a bad rap, but it is actually one of the most hopeful and forward thinking of all our emotions. It begets transformation, manifesting our passion and keeping us invested in the world. It is a rational and emotional response to trespass, violation, and moral disorder. It bridges the divide between what “is” and what “ought” to be, between a difficult past and an improved possibility. Anger warns us viscerally of violation, threat, and insult.”

Anger is an assertion of rights and worth. It is communication, equality, and knowledge. It is intimacy, acceptance, fearlessness, embodiment, revolt, and reconciliation. Anger is memory and rage. It is rational thought and irrational pain. Anger is freedom, independence, expansiveness, and entitlement. It is justice, passion, clarity, and motivation. Anger is instrumental, thoughtful, complicated, and resolved. In anger, whether you like it or not, there is truth.
Anger is the demand of accountability, It is evaluation, judgment, and refutation. It is reflective, visionary, and participatory. It’s a speech act, a social statement, an intention, and a purpose. It’s a risk and a threat. A confirmation and a wish. It is both powerlessness and power, palliative and a provocation. In anger, you will find both ferocity and comfort, vulnerability and hurt. Anger is the expression of hope.

How much anger is too much? Certainly not the anger that, for many of us, is a remembering of a self we learned to hide and quiet. It is willful and disobedient. It is survival, liberation, creativity, urgency, and vibrancy. It is a statement of need. An insistence of acknowledgment. Anger is a boundary. Anger is boundless. An opportunity for contemplation and self-awareness. It is commitment. Empathy. Self-love. Social responsibility. If it is poison, it is also the antidote. The anger we have as women is an act of radical imagination. Angry women burn brighter than the sun.

In the coming years, we will hear, again, that anger is a destructive force, to be controlled. Watch carefully, because not everyone is asked to do this in equal measure. Women, especially, will be told to set our anger aside in favor of a kinder, gentler approach to change. This is a false juxtaposition. Re-envisioned, anger can be the most feminine of virtues: compassionate, fierce, wise, and powerful. The women I admire most—those who have looked to themselves and the limitations and adversities that come with our bodies and the expectations that come with them—have all found ways to transform their anger into meaningful change. In them, anger has moved from debilitation to liberation.

Your anger is a gift you give to yourself and the world that is yours. In anger, I have lived more fully, freely, intensely, sensitively, and politically. If ever there was a time not to silence yourself, to channel your anger into healthy places and choices, this is it.”

Transformation: Women master transformation from an early age, and shed the lining of our womb on a monthly basis from maiden to crone. Our bodies transform to bring new life forth. Our skills transformation in appearance are well known. Once again, an external power that seeks control will always try to minimize your personal power.

Internal safety: Alright, so I am about to climb up on my soapbox for a moment, because this one does get to me. I really do feel like the patriarchy has harnessed the power of fear (see- I told you there was power in emotions!) to control women in the most nefarious fashions. They want to “keep us safe”, right? When the reality of the situation is that men are our greatest predators. When women count on men to keep us safe, I think we end up with the type of unsafe patriarchal structures we see everywhere today. When women are taught to look outside themselves for safety, their safety is always contingent upon someone else. Think- Jennifer Lopez in Enough. The Dark Feminine knows that claiming the power and knowledge needed to protect ourselves is discouraged because it would mean empowering us over empowering others to pretty please protect us if they deem us worthy enough.

Fearlessness: Once we have reclaimed the power of our emotions, the power of our rage, once we look chaos in the eye and tell it we are not scared of it, we realize our eternal connection to humanity, our ancestors, and this earth- we realize that there is nothing to fear. And if we have nothing to fear- how can they control us with it? Fearlessness is a very inconvenient state for those who seek to control us. I mean, you only need to look at the 24 hour news cycle devoted to scaring the ever-loving pants off us all 24/7 to see the truth of my words.

Sexual liberation + reclaiming eros: Feminine sexual pleasure has always been a danger to the powers that be- most especially to men. It intimidates them, you see- they are soooo controlled by it but don’t understand how we are not likewise controlled by masculine sexual energy. They resent our power, and resent the fact that they are desperate to succumb to it. To this day we see the struggle to shame female sexuality- yet, we will not be swayed. We aim to make our pretty pink pussies purr, dont we, ladies?

To devour: A woman’s hunger is so indelicate, isn’t it? Relating to creating creatures designed for man’s comfort and not women’s satisfaction- shaming hunger is a great way to instill control by means of shame. We see this in the control over women’s literal hunger and their bodies, their sexuality, controlling their desires. The notion of a woman satisfying her hunger- for food, life, for sex, for connection, for emotional expression- is simply terrifying to the patriarchy

The unknown: Cultivating fear is a way the powers that be grab power, right? By molding women to have a foreboding sense of the future, a belief that they cannot handle it, that they need YOUR help to survive what’s coming out of the shadows- that is a means to power for them. But we know the dark feminine can master chaos- that the dark feminine controls magic- that she can protect herself- in light of all that, the unknown has no power to bring us to our knees.

Regeneration: Whereas men are more linear creatures, us women are cyclical. We are ruled by cycles of regeneration, and again, this power is something that scares those who lack it.

Wholeness: The idea that we need to cut out the little pieces of ourselves that others find displeasing serves the patriarchy fully. The concept that we need to always be pleasant, palatable and acceptable to others is not a notion that the Dark Feminine accepts. When you break people down into their littlest bits, denying them access to their whole, they become very easy to control, do they not?

The Void: The dark feminine lives outside our false overlays of structure and discipline. Do you know that in pre-colonial indigenous cultures that there was not a formal dinnertime- people ate when they were hungry. Colonial structures came in and said- nope, savages. Thats obviously incorrect. No matter if you are hungry or not, dinnertime is at 6 pm, so get used to it. The Dark Feminine is calling us to live outside of the artificial structures we overlaid upon humanity for the convenience of others.

Sisterhood: Since the dawn of time, men have been doing their level best to create competition and animosity between woman, dispersing our power as a powerful coven into isolated bits and pieces, scattered about. The patriarchy has done its level best to turn us against one another and call it “healthy competition” instead of cultivated animosity, which is certainly more apt. When the power of femineity is united, we are literally uncontrollable and unstoppable.

Authenticity: The patriarchy hates feminine authenticity- it much prefers that we replace our authentic presence with one dedicated to providing the most comfort to men. Think about the premise of the adage- “you would look so much prettier if you smiled”. When you really think about it you will begin to understand that this is a request to HALT your authentic emotions, your authentic experience, and contort it into one that serves the purpose of making the person who asks (AND its always a man, right?) comfort. This is a call to trade in authenticity for service and the dark feminine aint having it.

Decay & Termination: Is it any wonder that the power who has mastered the unknown, chaos and fearlessness is also able to master decay and termination? What you fear controls you- and the dark feminine is not controlled by the natural cycles of life, which is why these cycles are so demonized to control women. WRINKLES? BODY FAT INCREASES? GRAY HAIR? These are the punishments mankind seeks to heap upon us, but the dark feminine knows these changes are but a new cycle beginning.

Final Thoughts on the Dark Feminine 

I barely scratched the surface of a very rich and complex subject. I suspect many of you have been worshipping at the feet of the Dark Feminine for a long while, whether you recognized it as such. But now, hopefully you have a better understanding of the multi-faceted nature of Feminine energy and understand how our powers go much deeper than sweetness and sunshine. We are the storm as well, yes? When you are in the presence of the Dark Feminine, your job is to support her in being seen, heard and understood.

Learn More About the Dark Feminine

Click to Listen to the full episode of KINKology: The Pillars of Gynarchy

Click to listen to the full episode of KINKology: Female Led Relationships “A Tale of Two Outcomes”

Click to listen to the full episode of “The Dark Feminine Part 1”

Click to listen to the full episode of “The Dark Feminine Part 2”

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